Big subject. It’s terrifying for me to even think about writing about this when there’re so many good posts and articles about that already. However, every person has a unique perspective on that and that’s what I want to share here. Perspective.
Imagine being in your bed. You’re safe, cozy, Christmas lights are on so you have festive atmosphere there and probably there’s a cup of tea on your bedside table. Everything is fine, normal. Then you get this feeling. Like something bad will happen. Like if you suddenly became a mentalist and can sense accidents before they happen. You look around, everything seems normal. But inside you, it’s not normal.
It’s annoying. You wake up in the middle of the night with heart racing like crazy and this sucking feeling in the stomach that something is wrong. If you’re lucky enough you can fall asleep easily straight after, but sometimes you just lay and think about bad stuff. Even though, most of the times everything is all right. All right.
Then you start to think: “maybe there’s something wrong with me”. So you start to feel bad even more, but you do your research on the internet. Typically, the worst possible cases come up, like everytime you have headache there’s this “you have cancer if your head hurts”. But this time word “anxiety” makes so much sense. Too much, you could say even.
When it hits suddenly, or because of one, silliest of the reasons, your hands are shaking. Your heart wants to go out of your chest. You sometimes feel like crying. You can’t do much, you try to calm yourself down, taking a deep breath, but the feeling that something bad is going to happen is itchy, it doesn’t go away. It doesn’t happen every day. But when it does, it makes you tired and sad. Because who wants that, after all? We all want to just be happy and carefree at the end of the day. When we can’t, we’re sad. That’s normal.
You could say it’s different with you. Or anxiety is something else. But each person is an individual case, health or not health-wise.
I don’t really know why exactly I wanted to share it here, but if I’m brave enough to post my poems, why not post my problems? After all, we all are just humans and everyone has something. I have this from time to time. Does that make me a bad person? Sometimes yes, but generally speaking it just another thing to work on. Like you go to the gym to fix your body shape, you sit with yourself to fix your mental health. That’s it.
Thank you all for reading and I hope it won’t make you stop reading my posts. And I hope I didn’t offend anyone either. Have a great weekend everyone and see you (hopefully) on Tuesday!